Guest Post: BDSM and Negotiation

by Sherri Hayes

I’ve seen a lot of discussion on negotiation in BDSM relationships. The process seems to be fascinating to some, like it’s a new concept, but isn’t negotiation what happens in any relationship? Or maybe I should say, isn’t that what should happen in any relationship?

Whenever I research a topic, I like to go back to the basics. What does negotiation mean exactly? According to the dictionary, negotiation is: mutual discussion and arrangement of the terms of a transaction or agreement.

Seems pretty simple, right? Both parties talk and find common ground.

In vanilla (non-BDSM) relationships, the process is often lumped in the ‘getting to know you’ category. But should it be?

Negotiation is one concept where I feel those that practice BDSM tend to get it right more than those in more conventional relationships. Because of the exaggerated dynamics that can usually be found in BDSM relationships, expectations are more clearly laid out and discussed in most cases. What does each party want out of the relationship? Do they desire something long-term or short-term? What are each person’s hard limits (things they are not willing to do). What do they want to try, experience?

In vanilla relationships this can be anything from getting married to children to career goals for each partner. These same things are often on the negotiating table of a BDSM relationship as well, but it goes a step farther than that. Not many vanilla couples I know talk about their expectations of each other in the bedroom. Many times, sex is allowed to develop ‘naturally’. The problem with this, however, is that the partners can’t read each other’s minds. If communication isn’t there, then how does each partner know that the other is getting what they want and need out of the relationship, sexually and otherwise?

So what does negotiation mean in a relationship? It can actually mean a great many things. There are some couples out there that write everything down. In BDSM, this is known as a contract. Others take a less clinical approach and discuss things regularly with open communication. If one partner is interested in trying something new, they bring it up to the other partner, maybe do some research, and then decide as a couple if it’s something they want to pursue.

I recently read a wonderful blog post from a submissive regarding communication between her and her Sir. They are just starting out on their BDSM journey, and her blog posts always have great insights into the real life struggles of living and communicating in a D/s relationship. Here is the link to her post if you’d like to check it out.http://onbeingsubmissive.wordpress.com/2013/09/27/you-have-to-talk-for-this-to-work/

How about you? How do you and your partner address new facets to your relationship? Do you have a specific time and place for discussion? Do you have a contract that lays everything out?

(Originally posted 10/10/13 on BDSM Book Reviews)

Author Bio 

Sherri spent most of her childhood detesting English class. It was one of her least favorite subjects because she never seemed to fit into the standard mold. She wasn't good at spelling, or following grammar rules, and outlines made her head spin. For that reason, Sherri never imagined becoming an author.

At the age of thirty, all of that changed. After getting frustrated with the direction a television show was taking two of its characters, Sherri decided to try her hand at writing an alternate ending, and give the characters their happily ever after. By the time the story finished, it was one of the top ten read stories on the site, and her readers were encouraging her to write more.

Nearly eight years later, Sherri is the author of eight full-length novels, and two short stories. Writing has become a creative outlet that allows her to explore a wide range of emotions, while having fun taking her characters through all the twists and turns she can create. You can find a current list of all of Sherri’s books and sign up for her monthly newsletter at www.sherrihayesauthor.com. 

Guest Post: How I Write

by Sherri Hayes

I met a friend last week for lunch. She’s been trying to write a book of her own for the last two years and wanted to know about my writing process. “How do you know where to start, where to go, how it will end? These are very common questions and she’s not the first one to ask. 

My writing process involves a lot of thinking. Before I even start writing, I’m thinking about my characters. For my newest book, Slave, I spent more than a month contemplating Stephan and Brianna before I ever put a word on paper. For me, it is very important to have that solid base. I need to know who my characters are in order to know how they will react to any given situation I place them in. 

Once I have my main characters flushed out, I begin incorporating the plot. Again, I spend a lot of time thinking and often talking out plot points. It’s not uncommon to see me during my morning walk talking to myself. I like to talk out scenes, character backgrounds, motivations… It helps me to put things into perspective because how I would react is not necessarily how my character would. 

A lot of writers use outlines. I’m not one of them. Everything about my books goes on in my head. I’ve tried outlines and they just don’t work for me. One time I spent an entire day on an outline and ended up using only pieces of it in the end and not even in the order I’d originally planned. 

When I write, I am in the moment with my characters. Whether it is a love scene or an action sequence, I’m there. I consider myself an emotional writer. If I can’t feel a scene, I have a very hard time writing it. Because of this, I spend a lot of time on character development throughout the process. 

It isn’t uncommon for me to wake myself up in the middle of the night with a story, be it the one I’m working on, or one I’m contemplating for the future. Stories are always rolling around in my head. It’s just a matter of putting them on paper or in the computer as the case may be.

I don’t hand write any of my stories as some authors do. Typing is my preferred method to write. I type much faster than I write freehand, so it allows the emotion of the scene to flow more easily through typing than writing it down with the traditional pen and paper. 

My best advice to aspiring authors, and the advice I gave to my friend… Just write! Give a little thought to your main character, set up the opening scene, and then just go for it. It doesn’t matter if the first story you write is crap. As with everything else, the more you write, the better at it you will become. You can always go back and edit, re-write, or completely trash a scene later. It’s what writer’s do, and that’s okay. Just be true to yourself and your characters. And above all else…Write for you.  

(Originally posted 9/3/11 on Earth's Book Nook)

Author Bio 

Sherri spent most of her childhood detesting English class. It was one of her least favorite subjects because she never seemed to fit into the standard mold. She wasn't good at spelling, or following grammar rules, and outlines made her head spin. For that reason, Sherri never imagined becoming an author.

At the age of thirty, all of that changed. After getting frustrated with the direction a television show was taking two of its characters, Sherri decided to try her hand at writing an alternate ending, and give the characters their happily ever after. By the time the story finished, it was one of the top ten read stories on the site, and her readers were encouraging her to write more.

Nearly eight years later, Sherri is the author of eight full-length novels, and two short stories. Writing has become a creative outlet that allows her to explore a wide range of emotions, while having fun taking her characters through all the twists and turns she can create. You can find a current list of all of Sherri’s books and sign up for her monthly newsletter at www.sherrihayesauthor.com. 

Columbus Alive Interview With Author Sherri Hayes

Q&A: Author Sherri Hayes


Sherri Hayes didn’t even consider penning a novel until a publisher emailed her in 2010 asking if she would be interested in expanding upon her fan fiction they had found online. The publisher was The Writer’s Coffee Shop, which also famously found and published E.L. James, author of “50 Shades of Grey.” Today Hayes has four fiction books to her name, including the romantic thriller “Red Zone,” which TWCS released last week (find it at thewriterscoffeeshop.com).

The read the full interview, click here.

Self Publishing vs. Traditional Publishing

Welcome to Serpent’s Kiss is my first venture in self-publishing. The first part of the process wasn’t all that different from what I was used to. After publishing nine books through a publishing house, I was familiar with the writing and editing process. Just because I was self-publishing didn’t mean I wanted the quality of my books to decrease so I stuck to what I was used to. I was able to freelance with the same editor who has worked on my last six books.

The first thing that did change for me with self-publishing this book was my cover. I decided to have a custom cover made rather than use a stock photo. The entire process was a lot of fun. I was able to work with the photographer to pick a model and the props that would be used. This gave me a unique cover that was able to look exactly the way I wanted it to.

My biggest challenge came when I went to create an IBSN for my book, and then upload it to Amazon. Since I’d never done it before, it took me a while to read through everything and make sure I was filling things out correctly. All in all, I think those two things took me upwards of six hours. It will get easier, I’m sure. The first time is always the hardest.

Overall, I’ve enjoyed my self-publishing experience. It has, however, made me appreciate some of the behind the scenes stuff publishers do for authors. 

(Originally posted 12/13/14 on Author Lisa Bilbrey's Blog)

Author Bio 

Sherri spent most of her childhood detesting English class. It was one of her least favorite subjects because she never seemed to fit into the standard mold. She wasn't good at spelling, or following grammar rules, and outlines made her head spin. For that reason, Sherri never imagined becoming an author.

At the age of thirty, all of that changed. After getting frustrated with the direction a television show was taking two of its characters, Sherri decided to try her hand at writing an alternate ending, and give the characters their happily ever after. By the time the story finished, it was one of the top ten read stories on the site, and her readers were encouraging her to write more.

Nearly eight years later, Sherri is the author of eight full-length novels, and two short stories. Writing has become a creative outlet that allows her to explore a wide range of emotions, while having fun taking her characters through all the twists and turns she can create. You can find a current list of all of Sherri’s books and sign up for her monthly newsletter at www.sherrihayesauthor.com. 

Guest Post: Why I Write Romance by Sherri Hayes

I’ve always loved a good romance. Back when I was a pre-teen, I remember reading Sweet Dreams romances. As I got older, I graduated to Harlequins. There’s always been something about two people meeting and falling in love that draws me in, and makes me want to see them find their happily ever after.

When I started writing, someone told me to always write what you like to read, and that’s what I’ve tried to do. The hero and heroine have to be characters I can fall in love with. I don’t want them to be perfect, but I do want them to be likable enough to make me want to root for them through whatever struggles they have to go through.

Relationships are complex, which means I can have fun putting the couples through lots of twists and turns. There has to be a good story, with strong supporting characters to round things out, and keep things entertaining.

(Originally posted 2/20/13 on The Daily Opinion)

Author Bio

Sherri spent most of her childhood detesting English class. It was one of her least favorite subjects because she never seemed to fit into the standard mold. She wasn't good at spelling, or following grammar rules, and outlines made her head spin. For that reason, Sherri never imagined becoming an author.

At the age of thirty, all of that changed. After getting frustrated with the direction a television show was taking two of its characters, Sherri decided to try her hand at writing an alternate ending, and give the characters their happily ever after. By the time the story finished, it was one of the top ten read stories on the site, and her readers were encouraging her to write more.

Nearly eight years later, Sherri is the author of eight full-length novels, and two short stories. Writing has become a creative outlet that allows her to explore a wide range of emotions, while having fun taking her characters through all the twists and turns she can create. You can find a current list of all of Sherri’s books and sign up for her monthly newsletter at www.sherrihayesauthor.com. 

Guest Post: Writing and the English Language

by Author Sherri Hayes

I was doing a radio interview about a year ago and the host asked if I’d always wanted to be a writer. The simple answer to that is a resounding no. Becoming a writer was never a consideration for me growing up.

Why? First of all, I suck at English. Some of you are probably laughing right about now, but it’s true. Even today, when my editor tries to explain grammar rules to me, my eyes glaze over. English is not one of my strengths.

As a child, I had stories in my head. I just never wrote any of them down. As an adult, I gravitated toward customer service jobs—ones where good communication was essential. I think these two things, combined with my love of reading romances, have helped to make me a better writer. I understand how to break things down and explain them to someone who may not normally understand the situation. That’s a great skill to have as an author, and one I’m forever grateful to have.

Although I may never understand all the technical aspects of writing, I try to concentrate on my strengths. We all have them. We all have weakness too. It’s part of life and what makes us unique.

(Originally posted 3/6/13 on Beautiful Mistakes)

Author Bio

Sherri spent most of her childhood detesting English class. It was one of her least favorite subjects because she never seemed to fit into the standard mold. She wasn't good at spelling, or following grammar rules, and outlines made her head spin. For that reason, Sherri never imagined becoming an author.

At the age of thirty, all of that changed. After getting frustrated with the direction a television show was taking two of its characters, Sherri decided to try her hand at writing an alternate ending, and give the characters their happily ever after. By the time the story finished, it was one of the top ten read stories on the site, and her readers were encouraging her to write more.

Nearly eight years later, Sherri is the author of eight full-length novels, and two short stories. Writing has become a creative outlet that allows her to explore a wide range of emotions, while having fun taking her characters through all the twists and turns she can create. You can find a current list of all of Sherri’s books and sign up for her monthly newsletter at www.sherrihayesauthor.com. 

A Guest Post from Author Sherri Hayes

When I set out to write Chris and Elizabeth’s story in Behind Closed Doors, it was supposed to be a standalone book. But as I began building Chris’ family, I was drawn to the brothers. I knew then that I would have to give each brother his own book.

A lot of my readers were surprised after reading Behind Closed Doors that Gage’s book was next in the series. They thought Paul would be next in line. It wasn’t meant to be, however. I didn’t know why at the time, but once I was about halfway through Gage and Rebecca’s book, Red Zone, I knew. Megan, Rebecca’s sister, was the missing piece.

I knew before I started writing, Paul’s book would be an emotional one. He’s a widower who lost his wife in a tragic accident. They were childhood sweethearts whose lives together were cut short way too soon. Paul still loves his wife, and I knew going into it that wasn’t going to change.

This was why Megan was the perfect fit for him. When I met her in Red Zone, she had all the qualities that I felt Paul needed in his life. She was young, full of energy, and yet she’d been through some tough times herself. Megan could be that pillar of strength Paul needed to move on.

(Originally posted 9/9/14 on Books For Fun)

New Year's Reflection

by Sherri Hayes

The new year always seems to be the time for resolutions and reflection. It’s on the news, television shows, and of course, most of us do it with our personal lives in one shape or form. We may look back at what we’ve accomplished and then set some goals on where we want to go from here.

This last year has been one I don’t think I’ll forget anytime soon. On December 30^th, 2010, my first novel was published through The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House. I had no idea what to expect. As with many first time authors the excitement overshadows anything else. I wasn’t thinking of sales or marketing. Just having a book I wrote in my hands was beyond belief.

Now, a year later, I’ve gotten my feet wet a little in the indie publishing world. I now have two full length novels published, a short Christmas story I wrote for my publisher’s very first holiday romance compilation, I just finished editing and am preparing for the release of my third novel, and am already in the middle of writing my fourth. It has been an extremely busy year, but a very fulfilling one as well. I’ve met many new people, made some really good friends, and have learned so much.

In the coming year, I have lots of goals I hope to accomplish. Some are personal like trying to eat better and do some type of exercise every day. Others are book related. One of those is finishing the sequel to my second novel, Slave (Finding Anna Book 1).

I’ve learned over the years that although I might not fulfill all the goals I set for myself, that’s okay. But, nothing with ever be accomplished if you don’t try. I think back four years ago when I started my first story and realize that if I’d never taken that first step my life would be very different right now.

(Originally posted 1/4/12 on Kinky Book Reviews)

Author Bio 

Sherri spent most of her childhood detesting English class. It was one of her least favorite subjects because she never seemed to fit into the standard mold. She wasn't good at spelling, or following grammar rules, and outlines made her head spin. For that reason, Sherri never imagined becoming an author.

At the age of thirty, all of that changed. After getting frustrated with the direction a television show was taking two of its characters, Sherri decided to try her hand at writing an alternate ending, and give the characters their happily ever after. By the time the story finished, it was one of the top ten read stories on the site, and her readers were encouraging her to write more.

Nearly eight years later, Sherri is the author of eight full-length novels, and two short stories. Writing has become a creative outlet that allows her to explore a wide range of emotions, while having fun taking her characters through all the twists and turns she can create. You can find a current list of all of Sherri’s books and sign up for her monthly newsletter at www.sherrihayesauthor.com. 

NEW RELEASE: Welcome to Serpent's Kiss by Sherri Hayes

Release Day Blitz December 4th

Welcome to Serpent's Kiss (Serpent's Kiss 0.5)

by Sherri Hayes

After losing her husband unexpectedly, Katrina Mayer decided to open Serpent’s Kiss. She wanted it to be a place where she and her fellow kinksters could play and socialize.

Five years after the doors opened, the club is everything she’d hoped it would be. On Friday and Saturday nights, Serpent’s Kiss is filled with men and women who share a similar desire to explore the pleasures BDSM has to offer. The club has continued to grow, and over the years, many of its members have become friends.

The one thing Katrina didn’t expect when she’d decided to open a club was the human drama that came with it. Learning to balance her life as the club mistress has taken some getting used to, but she wouldn’t change a thing.

Buy Links

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“If the authors intention were to wet the readers appetite enough to make them 'want' to continue with the series; she hit her mark.” ~ Donna J, Goodreads 

Author Bio

Sherri spent most of her childhood detesting English class. It was one of her least favorite subjects because she never seemed to fit into the standard mold. She wasn't good at spelling, or following grammar rules, and outlines made her head spin. For that reason, Sherri never imagined becoming an author.

At the age of thirty, all of that changed. After getting frustrated with the direction a television show was taking two of its characters, Sherri decided to try her hand at writing an alternate ending, and give the characters their happily ever after. By the time the story finished, it was one of the top ten read stories on the site, and her readers were encouraging her to write more.

Nearly eight years later, Sherri is the author of eight full-length novels, and two short stories. Writing has become a creative outlet that allows her to explore a wide range of emotions, while having fun taking her characters through all the twists and turns she can create. You can find a current list of all of Sherri’s books and sign up for her monthly newsletter at www.sherrihayesauthor.com. 

Coming Soon

Burning For Her Kiss (Serpent's Kiss #1)

Beth Davenport has no interest in getting involved with another man for the foreseeable future. To say her last relationship ended in disaster would be a colossal understatement. The only reason she agrees to put in an appearance at Serpent’s Kiss, a private kink club in downtown St. Louis, is because her best friend, Nicole, won’t quit nagging her. When she walks in the door that night, the last thing she expects to do is meet a man who will have her reconsidering her ban on men.

As a captain with the St. Louis Fire Department, Drew Parker is used to being in charge. His crew relies on him to make sure they know what they’re doing and return home to their families after every shift. It isn’t, however, what he wants in a relationship. Drew decides to join Serpent’s Kiss to see if what appeals to him in fantasy is something he wants to explore in the real world. He’s also hoping that he’ll be lucky enough to meet a woman with whom he can explore his desires. The night Beth walks into the club, he is intrigued. Drew has to get to know her better.

After what happened to her, Beth is reluctant to get involved with Drew. It doesn’t matter that he is sweet and charming. She’s been burned before and Beth doesn’t think she can survive having her heart crushed again. Drew, however, won’t take no for an answer. He wants a relationship and is determined to chip away at her defenses until she relents. Will she give him a chance, or did her ex leave her with scars too deep to heal?

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Other Books by Sherri Hayes

Excerpt from Need (Finding Anna, Book 2) by Sherri Hayes

 



He smiled warmly as he turned to leave for work Wednesday morning. I blushed as he grazed my cheek with his fingers and he told me to have fun with Lily. As I watched him leave, I traced my lips with my index finger. I could still feel the ghost of his pressing against them.

I closed my eyes as I leaned against the back of the couch and remembered last night. It had started out to be a kiss just like all the others, but then he somehow managed to turn me so that my legs were on either side of his. I was straddling him.

He’d encouraged me to touch him. Touch him in any way I wanted. My hands found their way into his hair.

I was unsure. While he’d never had a problem with me touching him, it was something that was very new to me. Ian hadn’t allowed much touching unless it was to service him. A few of the men he’d given me to had liked to be touched, but they always told me where to touch them and what to do. Ste . . . Stephan hadn’t given me instructions.

I remembered my hands in his hair as his fingers traveled up and down my back over my shirt. It was amazing how wonderful it had felt. How wonderful it always felt when I was in his arms.

My breath caught as I remembered how his hands had held tightly to my hips before he pressed me hard against him. I’d felt his arousal through the thin layer of his dress pants.

The moment I felt that unmistakable bulge of want and lust, I’d frozen. I’d felt the panic begin to take over.

He abruptly pulled away from my lips and he made me look at him. I could still hear his voice. Still feel his breath against my lips. “Not until you ask me, Brianna. Not until you ask.”

He’d held us both perfectly still until I’d calmed down. Then, he told me that he needed me to understand how much he wanted me and that he hoped one day I’d let him show me.

I hadn’t known how to respond, but he didn’t seem to need one. Instead, he proceeded to place soft kisses all over my face and then down my neck to a spot just behind my ear.

His mouth kept moving at an unhurried pace over every inch of exposed skin on my face and neck.

My face flushed just remembering it.

After a few minutes, I had started to forget about the part of his anatomy I could feel between my legs. The only things that I could think about were his lips. His tongue. And what they were doing to me. He always seemed to be able to make me feel things. Good things.

The problem was that even now, remembering, I had no idea what it all meant. Everything was very new. Although I liked it, I was scared.

No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts about the previous night continued throughout the morning. I tried to read, but after spending an hour looking at the same page, I stopped and set it aside.

There on the nightstand was the journal he’d given me. My journal.

I reluctantly picked it up. Its pages were fresh and new, just waiting to be filled, so I began to write.

Surprisingly, the words spilled out onto the page. Everything I’d been feeling. My fears. The strange reactions I had when he kissed me. How just having him there with me calmed me down. How different he was from Ian.

I was so caught up in my writing that I didn’t notice the time passing. When I looked up, the clock read eleven thirty. Lily would arrive in fifteen minutes. I threw the journal down on the bed and rushed to my closet to find something to wear.

 

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Interview with Author Sherri Hayes

Note: This interview was originally posted on Under the Covers Book Blog on July 27, 2012 as part of the Need (Finding Anna, Book 2) blog tour.

What can we expect from Need, the second book in your Finding Anna Series?

In Need, Brianna is confronted with the reality that she’s not a slave anymore, that she’s free. She has to figure out, not just what that means for her, but for her and Stephan as well.

What research did you need to do for your Finding Anna Series? What made you think of writing a book based in BDSM?

I had to do quite a bit of research for the series. Staring out, I knew next to nothing about BDSM. I’d read a few online stories, but that was about it. I started with online research, and then as I continued writing, I met some people in the lifestyle, and would run things by them when I needed to. There is one chapter in Need where I spent almost eight hours on Skype with a Master going over every detail to make sure the phrasing and positioning was right.

Reading Slave and Need was very emotional, did you find it the same when you were writing it? 

Yes, especially writing Brianna’s point of view. She makes me tear up often.

Brianna has survived a lot of trauma and has barely made it out intact, and seems very fragile. How did you know when to push her to do more with Stephan, without it looking like he is taking advantage? 

It had a lot to do with Brianna herself. Aside from the initial kissing, Brianna has been the one to push more, in my opinion, than Stephan. He may have initiated things, but he’s also always willing to stop, step back, and give her more time or whatever else she needs. I think his willingness to do just that has also helped in it not appearing that he’s taking advantage.

How many books are you planning in the Finding Anna series and have you got it all planned out? 

There are four books planned. I don’t outline my stories, however, I do have a rough plan in my head on what is going to happen in the next two books.

Will you ever be writing a book showing us Lily and Logan's story? 

Doubtful. I love Lily and Logan, but they’re story hasn’t called to me like Stephan and Brianna’s.

Can you tell us what your plans are for the Daniels Brother's Series?

I just finished writing the second book in that series, Red Zone. It’s with my editor right now, and I’m hoping it will be out the first part of next year. Red Zone is Chris’s youngest brother, Gage’s story. I had a blast writing it. Gage stole my heart completely, and Rebecca is perfect for him.

Give us a sneak peek into the day of an author! Do you have a set schedule to write, or do you write when inspiration strikes? 

My writing schedule varies depending on what else is going on with my life. I do, however, try to write at least one thousand words on most days, unless I’m editing, and then that takes priority.

Who are some of your favorite authors, and what books of theirs do you recommend we give a whirl?

I love Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander Series. Jamie Fraser has to be one of the best romantic hero’s ever written. With what said, Alexander from The Bronze Horseman Trilogy comes a close second in my opinion. I think both of these series are must-reads. I also happen to like Susan Andersen, but I prefer her earlier work. My favorite is Shadow Dance, which I believe was her debut novel.

To read the original blog post in its entirety, click here.

Sherri Hayes - 10 Favorite Things About Being An Author

Note: This was originally post on Nightly Reading on July 31, 2012 as part of the Need (Finding Anna, Book 2) blog tour.

My 10 Favorite Things About Being An Author

1.       Not being considered crazy for having stories floating around in my head.

2.       Being able to create characters and stories that I love.

3.       Interacting and meeting my readers.

4.       Brainstorming ideas with my beta and editor.

5.       Meeting fellow authors and discovering even more books I need to read.

6.       Being able to say ‘I’m an author’ when someone asks what I do for a living.

7.       Hearing someone list my book as one of the best BDSM book they’ve read.

8.       Having my editor send me a note in the middle of reading one of my manuscripts saying how much she’s loving my new story.

9.       Holding my book in my hands for the first time.

10.   Being able to share the stories I love with others.

To read the blog post in its entirety, click here.