He smiled warmly as he turned to leave for work Wednesday morning. I blushed as he grazed my cheek with his fingers and he told me to have fun with Lily. As I watched him leave, I traced my lips with my index finger. I could still feel the ghost of his pressing against them.
I closed my eyes as I leaned against the back of the couch and remembered last night. It had started out to be a kiss just like all the others, but then he somehow managed to turn me so that my legs were on either side of his. I was straddling him.
He’d encouraged me to touch him. Touch him in any way I wanted. My hands found their way into his hair.
I was unsure. While he’d never had a problem with me touching him, it was something that was very new to me. Ian hadn’t allowed much touching unless it was to service him. A few of the men he’d given me to had liked to be touched, but they always told me where to touch them and what to do. Ste . . . Stephan hadn’t given me instructions.
I remembered my hands in his hair as his fingers traveled up and down my back over my shirt. It was amazing how wonderful it had felt. How wonderful it always felt when I was in his arms.
My breath caught as I remembered how his hands had held tightly to my hips before he pressed me hard against him. I’d felt his arousal through the thin layer of his dress pants.
The moment I felt that unmistakable bulge of want and lust, I’d frozen. I’d felt the panic begin to take over.
He abruptly pulled away from my lips and he made me look at him. I could still hear his voice. Still feel his breath against my lips. “Not until you ask me, Brianna. Not until you ask.”
He’d held us both perfectly still until I’d calmed down. Then, he told me that he needed me to understand how much he wanted me and that he hoped one day I’d let him show me.
I hadn’t known how to respond, but he didn’t seem to need one. Instead, he proceeded to place soft kisses all over my face and then down my neck to a spot just behind my ear.
His mouth kept moving at an unhurried pace over every inch of exposed skin on my face and neck.
My face flushed just remembering it.
After a few minutes, I had started to forget about the part of his anatomy I could feel between my legs. The only things that I could think about were his lips. His tongue. And what they were doing to me. He always seemed to be able to make me feel things. Good things.
The problem was that even now, remembering, I had no idea what it all meant. Everything was very new. Although I liked it, I was scared.
No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts about the previous night continued throughout the morning. I tried to read, but after spending an hour looking at the same page, I stopped and set it aside.
There on the nightstand was the journal he’d given me. My journal.
I reluctantly picked it up. Its pages were fresh and new, just waiting to be filled, so I began to write.
Surprisingly, the words spilled out onto the page. Everything I’d been feeling. My fears. The strange reactions I had when he kissed me. How just having him there with me calmed me down. How different he was from Ian.
I was so caught up in my writing that I didn’t notice the time passing. When I looked up, the clock read eleven thirty. Lily would arrive in fifteen minutes. I threw the journal down on the bed and rushed to my closet to find something to wear.